I thought my girlfriend cheated when I found strange shoes outside. Turns out, a crackhead stole hers and left his own behind.
I suffer from PPD, and sometimes when something triggers me, I can really come undone.
The messed-up part about it is the trigger don't always have to be anything specific. Sometimes it's something random. Something I noticed. Something I missed. Something I'm already aware of that just happens to hit me at the wrong time.
And sometimes, if I'm smoking weed, drinking too much, stressed out, or just dealing with a million things at once, I start tripping out.
At the time I'm talking about, I had been spiraling for weeks and couldn't figure out what was wrong.
My girlfriend wasn't exactly helping either. Sometimes the way she would act had me sitting there like, Hmm... what the fuck are you up to? And when you're already in your head, it's so easy to get stuck there.
Before this particular incident, we had already gotten into it over some creep shit I felt was disrespectful to our relationship. So I was already triggered and trying to make it make sense.
Then one day, the universe decided to put two big-ass, raggedy-ass Jordan slides on my porch just to test my sanity and patience even more.
Needless to say... I FAILED.
The Shoes
At the time, we lived in the hood in Tampa.
And when I say the hood, I'm not saying that shit for dramatic effect. We had crackheads, random people, people who clearly had nowhere else to be, and all kinds of characters walking up and down the street all day.
Thankfully, we moved. But at the time, this was normal, everyday life.
So one day, I'm like, alright... let me get outside and get some fresh air. Maybe that'll help me get out of my head so much and stop overthinking everything.
I step outside. Got my headphones on, about to hit the trail for a power-walk. I looked down to make sure my shoes were laced... And there they were.
BIG. ASS. SHOES.
These old, raggedy-ass slides that looked like they had been to the Stone Age and back! Sitting on my porch.
I'm looking at them like... Uhhh... WTF? Whose nasty-ass shoes are these?
Them shoes looked like who did it and why! I'm talking 'bout a mf who walked The Green Mile plus some in them thangs! Looked like the first sandal ever made, and a whole village took turns wearing them SMH!
And because my brain was already in the trenches, I immediately started putting pieces together that did not exist.
My first thought? My girlfriend cheating. I thought she had brought some nigga to the crib and apparently, she let him get comfortable enough to come over, have a good time, and forgot his damn shoes.
And then it got worse because I started thinking, What if he left them here on purpose? Like this nigga wanted me to find them so he can rub it in my face that he been getting down with my lady.
Good morning, Shamar. Your girlfriend's side piece left his footwear. Please investigate.
I was really tripping.
And I'm sitting there looking at these shoes like they are Exhibit A in a fucking murder trial, and how F'd up she got me for cheating with whatever caveman had those shoes on!
I Didn't Even Wait
My girlfriend was in her office on a call with one of her insureds.
A reasonable person might say, Okay, she's working. Let her finish her call and then ask her about the shoes.
Man... that reasonable person left the planet as soon as I saw those shoes.
I walked straight into that office ready to pack my shit if she made any face that looked like she might've been lying. 'Cause seriously, If you wanna be with somebody else, just say that.
You don't have to cheat on me. Just let me know how you feeling.
She hurried up and got off that call when I asked her about them shoes LOL.
She comes out like, What the hell are you talking about? I'm like, Whose shoes are these?
She looks at me... Then she looks at the shoes... Then she looks back at me. And her reaction was not what I expected. I was prepared to catch her in a lie or see some stupid guilty look on her face because she knows I know when she lying. And this woman is looking at these shoes like... “What the fuck?!”
She was so offended because the shoes were dirty as hell, and I had her F'd up for even thinking she would mess around with whoever had them on.
That made sense... but again, I'm already checked out, so I don't really believe her.
So while I'm over here having an emotional breakdown thinking I uncovered an affair, she's over there offended that I think she would sleep around with a boogawolf.
The Truth Was Even Wilder
Once the smoke cleared, we're trying to figure out where the hell these shoes came from. Eventually, we found out that a pair of her shoes were missing from the outside shoe rack. Apparently, a crackhead came on our porch and stole a pair of her shoes and left their shoes as some kind of peace offering.
I'm sorry. But what the fuck?! What kind of transaction is that? I get you needed some shoes, but I'm still trying to understand the etiquette.
Did this person feel guilty? Did they have a conscience? Did they stand there with her shoes in their hands and suddenly think: You know what... I can't just take these people's shoes and leave them with nothing. Let me give them mine.
When Your Mind Fills In the Blanks
Looking back, I can laugh at the situation now because... what else can you do?
There was something real underneath all that ridiculousness, though. When you're already triggered, sometimes your brain skips right over logic, and it fills in the blanks with your deepest fears.
I had already been feeling uneasy about some things in my relationship, so when I saw those shoes, I didn't see two random shoes. I saw confirmation.
That's the dangerous part.
Sometimes we're not reacting to what actually happened; we're reacting to what we think happened. And once your mind decides it's figured something out, every little detail suddenly becomes evidence.
The shoes weren't evidence. They were just shoes. Ugly-ass shoes. And I turned them into a whole damn relationship investigation.
Trust Requires Patience Too
One thing I've learned is that trust isn't just about believing your partner.
It's also about giving yourself enough time to understand what's actually happening before you react. Especially if you're already going through things in your relationship. You can hurt somebody with an accusation that was never based on anything real.
Sometimes your partner may not understand what's happening inside your head. That doesn't mean your feelings aren't real. It means the conclusion you're drawing from those feelings might not be.
As a man who tries to hold myself accountable, I wasn't wrong for feeling triggered. But I damn sure was wrong about the shoes.
If I had taken five minutes to simply ask, “Hey, whose shoes are these?” instead of mentally writing the final chapter of my relationship, I could've saved myself a whole lot of emotional energy. And my girlfriend could've saved herself from having to defend her sexual preferences against some random-ass porch thief.
And About That MF...
I still have questions LOL. I need to know what the thought process was.
You saw a rack of shoes on the porch. Helped yourself to a fresh pair. Looked down at your shoes. And somewhere in your mind, you decided that was a fair trade?
Maybe that person really did feel bad. Maybe it was their way of saying:
“I know I just stole your shit, but I don't want you thinking I'm completely inconsiderate.”
So they left a little parting gift. Two crusty Jordan slides. A gesture of goodwill. A “My bad, beloved.”
Whatever the reasoning was, those shoes almost took me out and ruined my relationship! So the next time you decide to leave something of yours behind... DON'T.
That was the equivalent of a woman purposely leaving her panties stuffed under a man's seat.
When I really sat down and thought about it, I knew it had to be a woman who really needed some new shoes because the shoes she took were A LOT smaller than the ones she had on. Them mfs looked like Shaquille O'Neal practice sandals.
The Public Note
Everything's Worth Noting.
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