Knowing when to walk away from unhealthy relationships can protect your peace, your growth, and the person you're becoming.
Photo by Rahabi Khan
Where I'm at in life, I don't want to be around nothing or nobody who's constantly offending me. I don't want to be around people who are always trying to be funny, throwing shade, saying something negative, or finding something to point out about everything I'm doing.
I don't want to be around that shit anymore.
You're not my friend. You're not my family. You're not my lover. You're just a big-ass ball of negative energy, and I don't want to be around you.
The places I'm going in life, I don't have time to keep putting off what I'm doing to address the same shit with the same people for the millionth time.
I'm Not Trying to Keep Having the Same Conversation
I don't want to constantly have to tell somebody, “Hey, you made me feel this way.” Or, “I didn't like when you said this.” Or, “I didn't like when you said that.”
If I'm constantly having to take time away from what I'm trying to do because we're having the same arguments, the same misunderstandings, and the same problems over and over again, you gotta go.
I shouldn't even have to keep addressing things I've already addressed with somebody who's supposed to care about me.
And I'm not saying friendships or relationships are supposed to be perfect. They're not. People are going to disagree. You're not always going to see eye to eye.
But if we're butting heads more often than not... something is broken that can't be fixed.
The people in our lives are supposed to be people we enjoy. People who uplift us. People who can sit down and actually hear us when something is wrong.
Everybody loves to say communication is key. And if so, then comprehension is the lock.
You can communicate your ass off with somebody, but if they don't comprehend what you're saying or understand how their actions are affecting you, then what the hell are we talking about?
Photo by Alex Bian
I've Done Too Much Work to Keep Going Backward
Healing ain't easy. I feel like I've healed a lot of trauma that used to hinder my relationships.
I've dealt with some shit. And I've come to the people I care about and addressed those issues. I've tried to communicate. I've tried to understand. I've tried to meet people where they are.
The people who hear me, hear me. And the people I hear, we're cool. That's how it's supposed to work.
I'm becoming more aware of my attachment issues, and I feel like they're slowly moving out of the way. I'm less attached to the idea of keeping people around just because they've been around for a long time.
If you're the type of person who always feels the need to point out a flaw, make something look bad, throw a slick comment, or constantly bring some negative energy into the room—and then hide behind “I'm just saying” or “I'm just joking”—I don't want that around me.
I'm good.
I'm Actually Okay With Being Alone
My mama told me, “You don't really want to be alone. You just haven't found the right person.”
I used to take that into consideration. But the older I get, the more I realize I'm perfectly fine with being alone.
The quality of people we have around us now? Man, you can find the prettiest piece of shit. You can find the coolest piece of shit. They'll be cool as hell for a minute, and then eventually you realize exactly what you're dealing with.
And I'm a lifetime type of person. If I'm letting you into my life, I want something real. I want peace. I want consistency. I want to enjoy being around you.
I don't want to spend every day trying to figure out if you're about to say something slick, start an argument, misunderstand me, or make me feel like I have to defend myself.
I like my peace.
Photo by Disha Sheta
Just because I'm peaceful don't mean I won't flip some shit over if I have to. I will.
But I don't want to have to be that person every day. Especially not in my intimate life. If I have more problems with you than I have good moments with you, you gotta go.
Sometimes the Relationship Has Run Its Course
No matter how much I care about somebody, there comes a point where you have to be mature enough to say, “This ain't working.”
I'm not happy.
You're not happy.
We're constantly having the same problems.
We're constantly misunderstanding each other.
We're constantly trying to explain ourselves.
What are we doing?
And that's not only for romantic relationships; I'm talking about friendships. Family. Intimate relationships. Any relationship where two people are supposed to have some type of connection.
I'm also not big on spinning the block either.
You have to be somebody very special for me to go backward. And even then, you better have done some work on yourself. Because leaving you alone just to come back and deal with the same-old ain't what's happening.
Know When It's Time to Go
I think there's something powerful about being willing to walk away.
It's not because you don't love somebody or because you suddenly think you're better than them. Sometimes you walk away because you finally understand that staying is costing you too much.
Your peace matters.
Your growth matters.
Your mental space matters.
And the person you're becoming matters.
Photo by Leiliane Dutra
You don't have to keep people around just because you have history with them. You don't have to keep explaining yourself to somebody who has repeatedly shown you that they don't understand. And you don't have to stay in a relationship simply because you love the person.
Sometimes love ain't enough.
Sometimes trying ain't enough.
At some point, both people have to be willing to understand each other, respect each other's boundaries, and actually make an effort to do better.
And if that's not happening, you have to be willing to walk away.
I'd rather be alone and have my peace than be surrounded by people who constantly make me question my sanity.
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